Friday, November 21, 2014

Finding ways to breath

Through out this event, I have had to find ways to keep breathing.  Seems my throat was always trying to close.  It is a terrifying feeling to  know that one could actually die of choking.  Key has been drinking huge amounts of water.  I sip just plain water, every time I cough. In the beginning, there was so much cough, that my diaphragm and ribs hurt. I do not like pain killers, so tried not take anything for it.  Dr. finally said I didn't have to be brave...use whatever is offered or I an find that will help.  I have been using Tylenol and that take the edge off the pain. 


From the first hospitalization, I felt as though I was made of rubber.  Lot of wobbling and going from wall to wall, down my hallway. 2nd time around I hit the deck and had to go back to hospital via ambulance.  I was in total distress.  I had lost so much body weight that the Hospital was shocked at the amount of body mass loss.  I was suddenly faced with being an invalid.  I could not stand or walk.


I would create a new way for me to get around... Tried a little walker, the one with two wheels.  It didn't work too well.  My mom had left her Hugo walker and I chose it.  It was high enough for me to get off and on...but still couldn't walk.  My kidneys and liver were in jeopardy.  I had to get myself back together.  I am the matriarch of this family...a mover and a shaker. 


I had to build my couch up by putting 4" memory foam across it--it works.  place another 4" memory foam on the futon I use for a bed--that works.  placed potties over the toilet in my front bathroom and one next to my bed--setting them at the highest level.....hey, they work. 


Purchased a wedge and it kind of helped, if I settled in a special way. Still had to deal with the noise and scariesness of it. 


Everyday was another choice of ways to keep living. I went into a spasm and made my way to the kitchen to bend at the waist and lay on the counter top.  I stopped coughing; stood up and started again.  but it would continue to work for what I needed.


In the middle of all this, I got pneumonia and was back in the hospital...for the 3rd time. 


I am a firm believer that if I can get a good nights sleep, I can beat anything.  That was my goal.  Finally got there a week ago, and the coughing is on day six of being gone.  I still feel a little tight...  my lung is starting take on air where it collapsed and where the tumor live.  That is good news for me.  The tumor has gone to half the size when I was diagnosed. 


Still doing radiation and /chemo for another 6 weeks. Another Chemo coming up 1 Dec.  I have no idea how all this will affect me this go around.  And still one more after the 1st of January.  No one told me I was toxic for the whole week of chemo...until a blood draw from my Power Port... 


 BTW, I survived 2 breast cancers in 2009. First treatment was just starting with radiation when the second breast cancer struck me....huge and twice as mean.  Boom, 2009 became of the year of breast cancer. I was finished with treatment in January 2010.



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